But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
