i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
