I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
