Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
