All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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