the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
