i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
a search helicopter?!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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