CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
