She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
