Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
