so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
