i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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