Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
