I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
