We won't sleep together?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
