Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
