I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
