that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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