OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
