Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
