I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize