She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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