puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
