I love black thongs
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
