Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
