Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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