:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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