the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
BRING THE BAGELS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
