Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
