What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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