weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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