Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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