Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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