he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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