True but thats because hes a fetus.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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