Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
