I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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