How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
