My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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