her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
