dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
