i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
