I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
