fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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