I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
