pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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