Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
