Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
