Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
