What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
