I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
