you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just threw up on my dentist
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
